Sebastian wrote: "I felt that it was cheating you to take so much
without being able to give you anything in return; I thought it mean to
associate with you; consequently, I believe that I did perfectly right
to break with you. Still, it is true that I hardly needed to do it. Time
and circumstances would have effected the breach." And feeling that our
ways were now divided, he continued:
Hie locus est, partes ubi se via findit in ambas.
Dextera, quae Ditis magni sub moenia tendit
Hac iter Elysium nobis; at laeva malorum
Exercet poenas et ad impia Tartara mittit.
"I cannot kill myself at present, but as soon as I feel able I shall do
so."
Or he wrote: "Towards the end of the time when we were friends, I was
not quite myself when talking to you; I was unbalanced; for I was
convinced that you wasted your valuable time talking to me, and at the
same time was oppressed with grief at the thought that we must part.
Then I tried to make you angry by pretending to question your abilities,
by affecting indifference and scorn; but it was the dog baying at the
moon. I had to bring about the severance that I did. That I should be so
childish as to be vexed about a slight from you, you cannot yourself
believe. I cannot really regret it, for I could no longer be of use to
you; you doubtless think the same yourself; but I cannot do without you;
my affection for you is the only vital thing in me; your life throbbed
in mine.
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