"
The impression this produced upon me was exceedingly painful, but an
early developed mental habit of always accepting a decision, and a
vehement repugnance to renew any connection deliberately severed by
another party, resulted in my never even for a moment thinking of
shaking his resolution, and in my leaving the note unanswered. However,
the matter was not done with, and the next few months brought me many
insufferable moments, indeed hours, for Sebastian, whose existence had
for so long centred round mine that he was evidently incapable of doing
without me altogether, continually crossed my path, planted himself near
me on every possible occasion, and one evening, at a students'
gathering, even got a chair outside the row round the table, sat himself
down just opposite to me, and spent a great part of the evening in
staring fixedly into my face. As may be supposed, I felt exceedingly
irritated.
Three months passed, when one day I received a letter from Sebastian,
and at intervals of weeks or months several others followed. They were
impressive letters, splendidly written, with a sort of grim humour about
them, expressing his passionate affection and venting his despair. This
was the first time that I had come in contact with passion, but it was a
passion that without having any unnatural or sensual element in it,
nevertheless, from a person of the same sex, excited a feeling of
displeasure, and even disgust, in me.
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