The feeling that he
must hit his head against something was on him once more, and once more
he sought to get rid of it by tramping up and down. Great God! Such a
little thing, such fearful consequences! All her balance, her sanity
almost, destroyed. Was what he had done so very dreadful? He could not
help Diana loving him!
In the night, Gyp had said: "You are cruel. Do you think there is any
man in the world that I wouldn't hate the sight of if I knew that to see
him gave you a moment's pain?" It was true--he felt it was true. But
one couldn't hate a girl simply because she loved you; at least he
couldn't--not even to save Gyp pain. That was not reasonable, not
possible. But did that difference between a man and a woman necessarily
mean that Gyp loved him so much more than he loved her? Could she not
see things in proportion? See that a man might want, did want, other
friendships, even passing moments of passion, and yet could love her
just the same? She thought him cruel, called him cruel--what for?
Because he had kissed a girl who had kissed him; because he liked
talking to her, and--yes, might even lose his head with her. But
cruel! He was not! Gyp would always be first with him. He must MAKE her
see--but how? Give up everything? Give up--Diana? (Truth is so funny--it
will out even in a man's thoughts!) Well, and he could! His feeling
was not deep--that was God's truth! But it would be difficult, awkward,
brutal to give her up completely! It could be done, though, sooner than
that Gyp should think him cruel to her.
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