Then, bending her head to the
rain, she went on in the open, trying to prepare herself to show nothing
when she reached home.
She got in and upstairs to her room, without being seen. If she had
possessed any sedative drug she would have taken it. Anything to secure
oblivion from this aching misery! Huddling before the freshly lighted
fire, she listened to the wind driving through the poplars; and once
more there came back to her the words of that song sung by the Scottish
girl at Fiorsen's concert:
"And my heart reft of its own sun,
Deep lies in death-torpor cold and grey."
Presently she crept into bed, and at last fell asleep.
She woke next morning with the joyful thought: 'It's Saturday; he'll
be down soon after lunch!' And then she remembered. Ah, no! It was too
much! At the pang of that remembrance, it was as if a devil entered into
her--a devil of stubborn pride, which grew blacker with every hour of
that morning. After lunch, that she might not be in when he came, she
ordered her mare, and rode up on the downs alone. The rain had ceased,
but the wind still blew strong from the sou'west, and the sky was torn
and driven in swathes of white and grey to north, south, east, and west,
and puffs of what looked like smoke scurried across the cloud banks
and the glacier-blue rifts between. The mare had not been out the day
before, and on the springy turf stretched herself in that thoroughbred
gallop which bears a rider up, as it were, on air, till nothing but the
thud of hoofs, the grass flying by, the beating of the wind in her
face betrayed to Gyp that she was moving.
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