_Coachman._ _I've_ never 'eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I assure you.
[_GREEN the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
"Royal Blue" rolls on in excellent spirits._
* * * * *
POLITICAL TRAINING.
_Monday_.--Read Mr. CHAMBERLAIN's remarks on abstinence from bodily
exercise. Sold my bicycle, and gave away all my rackets, bats, &c.
Resolved to follow the latest system. Shall doubtless, by these means,
reach Mr. C.'s high position as a statesman and orator. Went out
in a Bath-chair. Five minutes after starting, man said he was not
accustomed to drag so heavy an invalid, and must rest a little. Tried
a speech--my maiden one--on the Disadvantages of Bodily Exercise. He
listened respectfully, and, when at last I had finished, said he quite
agreed with me, and that the fare was seven shillings.
_Tuesday_.--Have decided that exercise in a Bath-chair is quite
superfluous. Resolved to take exercise, for the future, in a hammock,
just outside the garden-door. Must practise speech-making to the
gardener. Good idea--Orchids. Asked him what he thought about the new
Orchid. Miserable fool answered, "Awkud, zur? Dunno waht thaht be."
I said that was "awkud," and had to laugh at the highly original
side-splitter myself, as he never saw it.
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