I hope that when I have done what I
can, He will do with me what He pleases.
As for what passes in me at present, I cannot express it. I have no
pain or difficulty about my state, because I have no will but that of
GOD, which I endeavor to accomplish in all things, and to which I am
so resigned that I would not take up a straw from the ground against
His order, or from any other motive than purely that of love to Him.
I have quitted all forms of devotion and set prayers but those to
which my state obliges me. And I make it my business only to persevere
in His holy presence, wherein I keep myself by a simple attention, and
a general fond regard to GOD, which I may call an _actual presence of_
GOD; or, to speak better, an habitual, silent and secret conversation
of the soul with GOD, which often causes me joys and raptures
inwardly, and sometimes also outwardly, so great, that I am forced to
use means to moderate them and prevent their appearance to others.
In short, I am assured beyond all doubt that my soul has been with GOD
above these thirty years. I pass over many things that I may not be
tedious to you, yet I think it proper to inform you after what manner
I consider myself before GOD, whom I behold as my King.
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