[3]
Such was my beginning; and yet I must tell you that for the first ten
years I suffered much: the apprehension that I was not devoted to GOD
as I wished to be, my past sins always present to my mind, and the
great unmerited favors which GOD did me, were the matter and source of
my sufferings. During this time I fell often, and rose again
presently. It seemed to me that all creatures, reason, and GOD Himself
were against me; and _faith_ alone for me. I was troubled sometimes
with thoughts that to believe I had received such favors was an effect
of my presumption, which pretended to be _at once_ where others arrive
with difficulty; at other times that it was a wilful delusion, and
that there was no salvation for me.
When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these troubles (which
did not at all diminish the trust I had in GOD, and which served only
to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once; and my
soul, which, till that time, was in trouble, felt a profound inward
peace, as if she were in her centre and place of rest.
Ever since that time I walk before GOD simply, in faith, with humility
and with love; and I apply myself diligently to do nothing and think
nothing which may displease Him.
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