Do not I very well understand all that you say about
"apathized moods," &c.? The gloom of approaching old age
(approaching, nay arriving with some of us) is very considerable
upon a man; and on the whole one contrives to take the very
ugliest view, now and then, of all beautifulest things; and to
shut one's lips with a kind of grim defiance, a kind of imperial
sorrow which is almost like felicity,--so completely and
composedly wretched, one is equal to the very gods! These too
are necessary, moods to a man. But the Earth withal is verdant,
sun-beshone; and the Son of Adam has his place on it, and his
tasks and recompenses in it, to the close;--as one remembers by
and by, too. On the whole, I am infinitely solitary; but not
more heavy laden than I have all along been, perhaps rather less
so; I could fancy even old age to be beautiful, and to have a
real divineness: for the rest, I say always, I cannot part with
you, however it go; and so, in brief, you must get into the way
of holding yourself obliged as formerly to a kind of _dialogue_
with me; and speak, on paper since not otherwise, the oftenest
you can.
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