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Harris, W. S. (William Shuler), 1865-

"A twentieth century allegory"

(Laughter.)
"A good guess," said the speaker, but you have not yet hit the mark."
"Because needer von dem is vert any ding," said the proprietor of a
beer-saloon from Germany. (Increased laughter.)
"You are still away from my idea," spoke the lecturer.
"I know it," said a rum-lawyer. "It is because they both lie."
(Applause.)
"That's exactly the truth of the matter. These so-called 'scientific
temperance men' are accountable for more lies imposed on a credulous
public than can be corrected for many years to come. Any sensible man
knows that moderate drinking is healthful to the stomach. If a man
drinks too much, he is liable to trouble, just like a man who eats too
much, or sleeps too much, or even talks too much about temperance.
(Applause and laughter.) I tell you, my good friends, a little of that
elixir of life is just as good for my stomach as it was for Timothy's,
and the good man Paul would say the same thing if he were here to-day.
(Cries from the world of "that's so!" and "hurrah for Paul!") I am
satisfied to have a great man like Paul on my side, even if I must
know that some of his pigmy disciples are against me.


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